1-minute comedic monologue
Second Place, Apparently
A comedic audition monologue set at a county fair pie contest, where a second-place baker discovers who really won. Big turns, sharp timing.
- Difficulty
- Advanced
- Length
- 157 words · ~1 min 3 sec
- Skills
- comic escalation, controlled anger, discovery moments, callback timing
- License
- CC BY 4.0
The script
Excuse me. Judge? Quick question about the red ribbon. Is there a reason it's red? Because I was told, by several people, including myself, that it would be blue.
That is a cherry lattice with an all-butter crust. Hand-woven. Forty-two strips. I measured. I did not sleep. My oven and I are no longer speaking.
So I'm curious, purely academically, what beat it. The peach thing with the decorative leaves? Leaves are not a flavor, sir.
(seeing the winning pie)Oh. It's that one. With the little star cut into the...
(the turn, slowly realizing)That's my star. That's my recipe. That is my grandmother's recipe card, and my cousin Gwen asked to borrow it in June “just to look at.”
Gwen doesn't bake. Gwen once set off a smoke alarm making cereal. Where is she? Is she by the goats?
(pulling it together, far too calm)No, I'm fine. I'm happy for her. I would just like to formally request a recount. And a word with Gwen. By the goats.
Script by SceneDub (scenedub.com), CC BY 4.0. Original script drafted with AI assistance and edited by SceneDub; any resemblance to existing characters is coincidental.
Practise it now
The teleprompter scrolls at the speed you set in words per minute. Tick "Record audio while reading" to capture a take; the audio stays in your browser until you download it.
Coaching notes
- Hold the politeness as long as you can. 'Purely academically' is a lie, and the comedy is watching the courtesy strain to keep the anger in.
- The forty-two strips line is a brag. Give 'I measured. I did not sleep.' two quick beats, then toss away 'My oven and I are no longer speaking' like it's old news.
- The discovery needs a real stop. Let it build across 'my star, my recipe, my grandmother's recipe card' before 'just to look at' comes out through your teeth.
Try it three more ways
- Play it as a sweet, soft-spoken grandparent whose fury only shows on the word 'Gwen.'
- Read it as a competitive baker who treats the judges' table like a courtroom cross-examination.
- Try it with the judge clearly trying to walk away, so you have to keep heading them off.
Take it further
More scripts to practise
Frequently asked questions
How long is the "Second Place, Apparently" script?
157 spoken words, about 1 min 3 sec at a conversational 150 words per minute and 1 min 12 sec at a slower 130 wpm. Your take will vary with pauses and character choices.
Can I use this script in my voice acting demo reel?
Yes. SceneDub's original scripts are licensed CC BY 4.0. You can perform, record, edit, and publish them, including in demo reels, classes, and auditions, as long as you credit "Script by SceneDub (scenedub.com), CC BY 4.0" where you share the recording or the text.
How should I practise this script?
Read it silently once, then perform it with the direction above: strained courtesy over boiling outrage, clipped and precise, stalling on the discovery. Record a take with the teleprompter, listen back, and try one of the alternate reads to stretch your range.